Through my eyes…

Alright.. I just came back from GH 2 hours ago… spent 4 hours there… GH means General Hospital.. not Gurney Hotel…

anyways, my stomach ache was totally KILLING me… and the doctor thought I have something wrong with my appendix… so i was pretty much freaking out… I have a pain phobia… whatever you call that…

I was asked by the doctor to go and take samples of my own blood and urine… which i totally had no clue…. i mean… it is my first time doing this sort of thing… and their instructions weren’t at all clear… like that helped… i was sent here and there and here and there and almost everywhere… then i finally got to where i was going to have my blood samples taken…

*swallows hard*

i felt my whole body quivering with fear… and i sms-ed CK saying, "AAHHHHHHHH" then i kind of got scolded for using my handphone in the hospital… *sobs* so i had to switch off my handphone…

I waited for my turn… there were 3 old dudes before me.. felt my whole body trembling in fear…. I kept reminding myself.. be positive.. think positive… but well.. honestly saying… it didn’t work… but anyways.. i asked God for strength.. and then the doctor who was taking samples of blood pointed at me and said.. "it’s your turn.. sit here." *heart thumps*

i can’t believe at that time i was thinking of what i feared more… standing in front of a crowd or having blood sucked out of me! bummer… anyways… that doctor complaint that he can’t find my veins… "its soooooooo small…" he tightened a strap around my arm and he kept hitting my hand… it really hurts!!

then… the moment i feared most… the NEEDLE! ("I WANT MY MUMMY!!") hahax.. no i didn’t say that.. he poked that needle on my vein… and because not even a drop of blood trickled out.. he kept poking the needle deeper and deeper… and it HURTS!! i felt tears forming at the corners of my eyes… but still… not a single drop of blood!! if he wanted to collect samples of tear drops, i’m sure he’d collect more than the blood he collected…

so he decided to change location… i was horror struck.."ohh no…….. not again….." he changed to my right hand.. the same position and after strapping it tightly, he started hitting my poor hand again… sheesh… it really hurts u know!

then he found that this vein is even smaller and couldn’t be seen… BUMMER… so he changed his focus on the back of my palm…SHEESH!! why does the back of my palm have to have such noticeable veins!! i felt this strange and even more fear stricken "OMG…. OMG…… OMG…….!!!"

of course.. i kept silent.. praying hard it won’t hurt… the Good news was the needle is smaller and finally blood came out…. the BAD news was.. IT HURTS MORE THAN MY ARM!! my tears came flowing down my cheek… that is because that doctor kept poking the needle deeper and deeper…. the needle was around 3cm long.. and he poke it till i saw 1cm+ left… URGH!! but at least i should be thankful that he didn’t have to poke somewhere else… because both my hands are hurting a LOT right now..

all i can say is.. it’s worse than having an injection! and my skin kind of cracked a little… leaving me a scar around 3mm on the back of my palm because he kept shifting that needle and poking it deeper..

but nevermind that.. at least i don’t have to operate my appendix or something… that would hurt WAY more! so i’m thankful all the results came back negative..

glad i’m blessed,

babe B in B minor.

p/s: i’m skipping the colours in this blog post. sorry and thanks for reading.

i’m trying real hard to let go right now…  thanks to all my mates.. they are totally awesome.. gave me whole lot of support and advice… thanks guys.. love u all..

anyways.. i found out what i’ve been lacking on.. or more likely slacking.. and i’m going back.. back to where i started.. my first love.. *grins* i guess he was, is and will be all i ever need.. but i’ve been to busy with my life.. trying to live it the way others want and not living it the way he wants me to..

i’ve decided to strive against the flow of the stream… and turn back to where i used to be heading when i fell for him… the reason i live shouldn’t be for others but for him.. and i know for sure that he cares and loves me.. and that’s what matters.. he never gave up on me..

maybe all that i am facing now is so that i will turn back… refocus on what’s been set in front of me even before i was born.. it had been predestined for me and all things doesn’t matter any longer..

letting go is real hard but moving on is harder.. i tend to get stuck in a certain position in life and remain there… afraid of change.. afraid of facing the unknown.. afraid of everything… but i know for sure that i should stand firm my ground in him.

maybe this might not make sense to most of you.. but he’s my all.. and he loves me for me.. he made me who i am… and although my life is not perfect… and its filled with ups and downs… i have him and all you my mates… love u people.. ttfn..

getting on with life,

babe B in B minor.

-in Him-

*smiles*